I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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