his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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