It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
