Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
are you so shy because you have an std?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
