When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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