I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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