Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
