Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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