if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
