If that was your dad, he is hot
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
