Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't think brook has ever known best
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
