EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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