I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
