Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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