the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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