glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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