I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
