He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
