We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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