i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
