Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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