Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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