remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
