It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
