he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
