I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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