Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
