At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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