i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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