Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
