he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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