Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
