It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
