I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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