He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
