you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
