So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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