ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
