God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do vagina's smell?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
