Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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