if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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