I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
