Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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