Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
