mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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