I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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