pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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