Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
