When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
