I showed him my bush... on skype.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
