i was born a porn star she said
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
