Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
