I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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