Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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