Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
