Apparently you make a good broom.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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