sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
