arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
