wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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