You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
